🟧 EVENING BRIEF — BITCOIN GOES BRRR WHILE BANKS FREAK OUT
Everyone said “crypto is dead” and then immediately bought some.
🧠 Quote of the Day
“First they ignore Bitcoin… then they ask you how to buy some.”
🌅 TL;DR (Quick Snack Version)
Banks are running toward Bitcoin like it’s Black Friday at Target.
Bitcoin chilling at $90K like, “I know something you don’t.”
Government arguing about crypto again (shocking).
Steak n’ Shake is now a Bitcoin company??
Big brains say Bitcoin is going to $1M.
Saylor says Bitcoin gonna pump 30% every year forever.
A $94K spike wiped people OUT.
Mallers might be building the next trillion-dollar company.
Ok cool. Now the fun part ↓
🔥 MARKET VIBES
Bitcoin at $90K Like a Teen Who Finished Homework Early
Bitcoin is just sitting there, while the Fed cut another 25 basis points.
Everyone’s nervous.
Bitcoin is not.
It’s like, “Bruh, I literally run on math.”
Then BTC jumped to $94K for five seconds, liquidated $130M in traders, and went,
“Oops… my bad 😇.”
JPMorgan says chill — no crypto winter coming.
Bernstein says Bitcoin is going to $1,000,000 by 2033.
Just a casual million. No biggie.
Saylor says Bitcoin will go up 30% every year for 20 years.
Bro basically called Bitcoin a retirement plan.
🏛️ POLITICS: ADULTS ARGUING AGAIN
Lummis: “We might pass the Bitcoin bill in weeks.”
She’s ready to roll.
Like actually roll.
Like “this might finally happen” roll.
But Senator Booker says,
“Yeah… not unless more Democrats show up at SEC and CFTC.”
So basically:
Congress is still Congress-ing.
Then a teachers union popped in like,
“Hey, cancel that crypto bill. We don’t like it.”
Thanks for your input, Mrs. Smith.
SEC’s new boss said,
“You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Sir, please chill. You’re scaring the Gen-Z kids.
The UK jumped in too.
Now everyone is teaming up like The Avengers of Regulation.
🏦 BANKS: FROM ‘CRYPTO BAD’ TO ‘CAN WE HAVE SOME?’
Banks just got permission to handle crypto.
The OCC basically said,
“Yeah, banks, you can do crypto now. Go wild.”
PNC Bank IMMEDIATELY partnered with Coinbase.
Private clients can now buy Bitcoin in their regular accounts.
Banks pretending they were never haters like:
“Crypto? Oh yeah we’ve ALWAYS loved crypto.”
— Banks, probably
Steak n’ Shake said they’re putting all Bitcoin payments into a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve.
Bro… the burger place??
A Bitcoin company??
2026 is WILD already.
KindlyMD got a $210M USDT loan from Kraken.
Ramaswamy’s Strive wants $500M to buy Bitcoin.
Big moves. Big money.
And Jack Mallers?
Yeah… people think Strike could become a $1 trillion company.
Kid is coding like his life depends on it.
📈 PRICE CHAT
Analysts are like:
“Is this rally real or just Fed hopium?”
Gold and silver joined in too. They want attention.
Cathie Wood said the 4-year cycle is dead.
So Bitcoin is now… cycle-less?
Trend-less?
Just up-only vibes?
Michaël van de Poppe says Bitcoin will surprise “everyone and their cat” in 2026.
My cat is not ready.
🌍 OTHER RANDOM CHAOS
Crypto lobby groups joining forces like Power Rangers.
More ETF ideas incoming. One even bets most gains happen after hours.
Bitcoin basically becoming part of U.S. financial policy now.
Reality: we’re early, but not for long.
❓ Question of the Day
When every bank, burger joint, and senator buys Bitcoin… does that make YOU early or THEM late?