What’s up, everybody?
It’s been a while since I’ve done a Cars & Crypto, and today we’re doing it from the road — literally. I’m driving through the hills of Malibu, headed toward the 101 and eventually the airport. It’s sunny, it’s gorgeous, and I’ve spent the weekend living with a 2024 BMW 5 Series.
It makes about 500 horsepower with a mild-hybrid 48-volt system. Full tank says 523 miles of range, which doesn’t make much sense given how quickly that number drops once you actually drive it like a BMW.
On paper, this should be impressive. In reality… it’s complicated.
The Boat That Thinks It’s a Sports Sedan
Let’s start here: the new 5 Series is a boat. You can feel every bit of its weight. It’s heavy, numb, and despite all the torque, it never feels eager. If you’re just cruising — gas, brake, park, repeat — you’ll be fine. But if you actually like driving, you’ll feel that disconnect.
The problem is that BMW’s identity used to be about the drive. It was “The Ultimate Driving Machine.” But somewhere between cost-cutting and chasing Tesla’s touchscreen minimalism, that DNA got lost.
The interior looks slick — big screens, sharp lines — but all the personality’s been replaced with menus. Climate controls, seat heaters, drive settings, all buried in layers of glass and software.
My Take:
BMW traded soul for software. The 5 Series isn’t a driver’s car anymore; it’s an iPad on wheels for people who don’t want to think about driving. The brand used to make you feel connected — now it’s trying to make you forget you’re even behind the wheel.
The Infotainment Mess
Tesla popularized the single-screen everything, and BMW copied it. Sure, the screen is bright and crisp, but it’s not intuitive. Every adjustment takes multiple taps. Want to change the fan speed or seat heating? Two or three menus deep.
And then there’s the knob — BMW’s infamous iDrive controller. Still here. Still useless. You don’t want to scroll or twist when you’re driving. You want a button. You want feedback.
My Take:
We hit the uncanny valley of convenience. Cars aren’t supposed to feel like websites. When basic functions require a UX tutorial, you’ve failed the driver.
Transmission, Throttle, and the Death of Response
Here’s where the car lost me. Throttle response is unpredictable — too much lag, then too much shove. The transmission never seems sure whether you’re trying to accelerate or just adjust pace. It hesitates, then overcorrects.
It’s jerky. Slow to downshift. The opposite of what you want from something wearing an M badge or pretending to. Compared to Porsche’s PDK, it’s not even in the same conversation.
My Take:
BMW used to nail this. Their engines and transmissions spoke the same language. Now it feels like two interns arguing over Bluetooth.
Brakes and Steering: Confidence Issues
Modern brakes are all grab and no feel. A gentle touch turns into an abrupt stop. Combine that with “smart” sensors and stop/start systems, and you get a car that second-guesses you every time you slow down.
The steering’s no better — light, vague, lifeless. It doesn’t load up naturally, and there’s zero feedback off center. Try to push it through a curve and you realize you’re steering a cloud.
My Take:
This isn’t nitpicking. Steering feel is the heart of a BMW. Without it, the brand’s just making fast furniture.
Comfort Without Character
Let’s give it some flowers — the cabin is quiet, the Harman Kardon sound system is solid (B-minus), and the seats are comfortable once you figure them out. At highway speeds, it’s stable and planted. But the suspension can’t decide what it wants to be.
It’s not floaty enough to be luxury. It’s not firm enough to be sporty. It’s… fine.
My Take:
Fine is the worst compliment you can give a car that used to set the benchmark. It’s the same problem as half the crypto projects out there — too corporate to be passionate, too calculated to be fun.
The $80,000 Question
So, is it worth $80K? Absolutely not. You’re paying for the badge. There are better luxury sedans (Lexus, Genesis), better driver’s cars (Porsche), and better value plays (Toyota Camry, honestly).
If you want a car that looks premium and don’t care how it drives, sure. But if you care about experience, engagement, or feedback, there’s no soul here.
This 5 Series exists for people who want to flex a BMW logo, not for people who want to drive one. It’s a brand-name car for folks who set-and-forget everything — including their car payment. For 40k get a loaded Honda Accord or Toyota Camery. You would notice the difference.
Crypto Segment: Quantum, Core, and the Constitution of Bitcoin
Let’s switch gears. Since this is Cars & Crypto, let’s talk Bitcoin.
There’s been a wave of new debates about quantum-resistant cryptography and what it means for Bitcoin’s future. Some, like Antony Yakovenko, are warning of a breakthrough by 2030 that could crack today’s encryption. Others, like Jameson Lopp and Andreas Antonopoulos, are debating what a “quantum-ready” Bitcoin might look like.
Then there’s the ongoing conversation around Bitcoin Core and block sizes — the same old battles of scalability, governance, and decentralization.
And it hit me: Bitcoin’s biggest threat isn’t quantum computing. It’s charisma.
A charismatic dev or influencer convincing enough people to “evolve” Bitcoin could change its very nature. Once that happens, all the principles — immutability, scarcity, finality — go out the window.
Bitcoin doesn’t need to change. We’ve built an entire global economy on its foundation. Tweak the layers above it all you want — but the base layer is the Constitution. You don’t rewrite the Constitution because someone promises better UX. You protect it because everything depends on it.
The Money Supply and the Road Ahead
The global money supply is hitting new highs again — a lagging indicator that’s historically lined up with crypto rallies about 60 to 90 days later. If that pattern holds, we might be staring down a wild Uptober and Upvember run.
The data doesn’t lie: liquidity fuels Bitcoin. And right now, liquidity’s roaring back.
Final Thoughts
Driving this 5 Series made me think about Bitcoin more than it made me think about driving. Both face the same question: what happens when innovation becomes dilution?
BMW’s trying to please everyone and satisfy no one. Bitcoin’s has people trying to do the same to the network.
So yeah — the BMW 5 Series looks sharp, rides smooth, and photographs well. But it doesn’t know what it wants to be.
At least Bitcoin does.
I’m Matt — this has been Cars & Crypto.
See you next drive.
Happy HODLing, everyone.
